I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We have so much sex to catch up on
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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