is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
