Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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