he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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