i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
