Need sex. Gaining weight.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
