he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
