You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
