I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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