Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
