she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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