she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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