Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
