OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
