OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
