I just threw up on my dentist
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
