I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
