I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
