If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
my liver is dry heaving
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
