I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize