i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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