With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
