so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
