So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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