friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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