Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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