she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
