He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
