I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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