I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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