Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
