How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
