I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
