I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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