Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
