Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
