btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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