I think i peed on brittanys purse
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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