Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
