It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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