Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
