Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
