I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
