Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
