Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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