K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
