After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
