So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
