it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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