no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
