I heard we made out
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize