Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
