I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
