He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize