Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
