But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
