You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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