You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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