In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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