I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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