I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ugly people sure do ruin things
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
