Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Who died my cat blue again?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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