bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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