I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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