A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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