my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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