my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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