she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
