I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
