Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
