Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
