Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize