i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
