dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
