So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
